pucklyrules

Generate your Anime Character! by ryiu
Name
hair...	short and spikey
clothing...	no shirt just pants and a cool belt
eyes...	yellow
special trait...	two short horns coming out of your forhead
special ability...	you can regenerate
weapon...	two katanas
personality...	prankster
sidekick...	none
purpose...	you're running away from home to become a hero
you are good by: 57%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Well today is a typical welcome home day from portland. And from life in general for that matter. I ride on a bus for 11 hours. It smelled of shit the entire way to Seattle where i changed busses. On top of that all I wanted to do was sleep, hell all ANYONE wanted to do on the bus was sleep. But NO the bus driver was boared or something and decided to play with the PA system and talk to everyone by makeing bad jokes while doing a bad Elvis inpersonation.......if the king weren't already dead i would kill him. So i just put on my head phones and cranked up the volume so i couldn't hear dumb ass. But i still couldn't sleep. The guy I was sitting next to slept just fine however. The problem being was the middle arm rest was broken so i couldnt put it down and i had the isle seat. So when he passed out he started to ooze over into my seat. It got to the point where he had invaded half my fucking seat. So i tryed wakeing him up but he was out. So i wated for the bus to hit a bump or something and i punched him in the side. THAT fuckin woke his dumb ass up. At our first stop about an hour out of Spokane some people got off and i finaly got a seat to myself. I went to put on my head phones again because DABD (dumb ass bus driver) wouldn't shut up about his fucking blue shoes. But the lady accrost from me was restless and just wanted to talk to me. So much in fact i know her life story.......she needs to get a new life, i think the one she got was from good will. About an hour after getting my own seat the talking idiot gets off at that stop. Finaly some sleep. I slept ok. I even decided to stay sleeping and not get off for a smoke break at the last stop befor Seattle. Seemed like a good idea at the time but it wasnt. I stayed on the bus....asleep.....with loud music playing. I was out of it. When we got to seattle i decided that some food would be good cause i was kinda hungery. But somewhere between spokane and seattle i was pick pocketed. Prolly when i was sleeping because they were after all kind enough to only take my money AND put my wallet back in the proper pocket for it. So there went my last 6 bucks. I hung out at seattle hungry as hell with no more cash for about a half hour. Then they started boarding. Well when i went to the door and gave the guy my ticket he said there was something wrong with it. And he wouldnt let me on. SO i had to go to the counter, give a bunch of my info and what not to the lady at the desk.....who for a change was realy nice. She re-issued me a ticket but not befor the bus had pulled out. So i had to wait another hour and a half for the next southbound bus. So im pissed and hungry at this point. I use the last of my change in my bag to buy some candy to tide me over till i got home. Then i finaly got on my last bus to portland. And guess who the driver was.....none other than DABD himself. I thought i had escaped the clutches of his randomness......but as it turns out it wasnt so random because he made almost all the same STUPID jokes on this bus also. *sigh* I decided to sleep again.....didnt happen was to pissed off and depresed at this point. A long 6 hours goes by and im back in portland. Now i had my money stolen in the middle of the night so i have NO BUS FARE to take Tri Met home. Im fucked....again.....big supries there. Well i start to walk out the bus stop and i had 3 bums hit me up for change/smokes. I planly told them to fuck off im not in the mood. One followed me for about half a block yelling at me how he was an army vet in Nam and blah blah blah. I wounder if he realy though yelling at me would make money appear in my wallet with witch to pay him. So me knowing that this would never happen i simply turned around and told him that if he didnt walk the other way i was going to beat the shit out of him. He then pushed me, toke a step back and dared me to hit him. Not wanting to remove what little teeth this asshole had left i simply placed a hard kick to his nuts. He stoped following me. And then i had a nice 54 block walk home from downtown......ahhhhh same ol' portland.

Puck

My vacation is half over. It's been clear skys since i got here. Its been awsome. At night i can acctualy see more then just grey clouds. Although it took me a bit to find somewhere that sold cloves. But it was all good. Once i did they were cheaper then at portland. It's been a nice and relaxing weekend. I need more of these. Hehe, like one every week. I wish. Well on a diffrent note things should be easyer at least a little once i get home. Things tend to calm down when i go away for a bit. Ill work a bit next week and just take it easy on the weekends. I think ill stay away from SMYRC for a bit. I need a break from all the people asking me to fix there problems. I dont want to leave though. Its so much easyer here. Although that has a lot to do with i know almost no one here and im not working.

I saw my doc the other day befor i left. My problems arn't getting any worse....i like to think thats a good thing.

Life however proves once again that it does still have a sense of humor.

Puck

Well camping was fun. It figures though that its cloudy and raining the entire time. And then today it was all sunny. Thats how life fucks you i guess. Well, i went to my interveiw today and its offical. Im hired. WOOT!!! Now i just need my drivers license and this week will rock.

I did a lot of thinking over this past weekend. And came to some conclusions about a lot of things. I have a long hard road ahead of me with some of the choices im about to make but.....thats life. One of the things that i relized is life is hard. It will always be hard. There will always be obsticals and challanges in my way. It will never get easyer for me. The sooner i learn to accept that the sooner ill learn to enjoy the good parts of life when they come around instead of over look them. There will be more to come about my weekend and my new revolations later but for now i have work to do so later all.

Puck

Ok, i have a plan and a list of things i need to get done ASAP to put myself in a better place mentaly.
1: Get a job
2: Get drivers license again
3: Get an apartment
4: Get a car

These are the four major things that need to get done. And just a few minutes ago I got off the phone with my new boss. So number one is down. I'm getting ready to call the DMV about what i need to do to renue my license and then im going to borrow a car from a couple possible friends and get my license by the end of next week. So 2 down 2 to go. The last two are going to be the hard ones but at this point what else do i have to lose. So its all or nothing.

There is also a few things that i have been wanting to do for some time now. And i made them into a list. And i want to have them ALL started or done by the end of 6 months. And they are:
1: Learn to play the guitar (starting that today)
2: Start meditateing again (also starting today)
3: Write 2 songs for the guitar even though i cant sing worth a damn, besides no one will prolly want to hear them but me anyway lol.
4: Go to Idaho *shiver* and see my old friend David, and my family. (especialy since my grandma's health is getting worse and she might not be around for too much longer. And that im doing in about 3 weeks)
5: Start a fund raiser for SMYRC and donnate 100% of the profits that i get to them. (time to give back to the place i have gotten so much from. How im going to do this and what my $$$ goal is i have yet to decide. I have to talk to a few people for some support and ideas. Dont ask people this is just something i have to do)
6: Stop smokeing (i got good news that ill explain in a minute)
7: Start writeing poetry again (its been too long)
8: Read 5 books to expand my knowledge (im not stupid but i couldn't hurt. I'd like to thank my sis for recomending this to me)
9: *and last but not least* Learn to stop trying to take care of EVERYONE i know. (i'm sorry guys, your all realy good friends and i would love it if i could wave a magic wand and make all your problems go away but i cant. I need to admit this to myself. I need to stop worrying about loseing people. Im getting a tattoo on my arm as a memorial to the close friends that have died in the past. And i relize that i try and take care of everyone because i dont want the list to grow. But no matter what i do i have to realize that life is life and if it is your time to go the in the end there is nothing i can do about it)

So thats just the 2 lists i have made. The top one is in order of priority the secound one is in no real order.

Now as for the good news, My doctor wants me to come in for a physical ( i hate these ) next week and he says the he might have some realy good news for me. I talked to him over the phone for about 30min yesterday talking about the physical things i have been up to and the lack of hear/lung episodes i've been haveing. And i told him about stoping the meds he gave me. He was a little po'd but i told him they were makeing me feel worse. Then he said i shouldn't skip my check ups. (for those that dont know i skiped my last one) So I promised him i would go to see him next week. So im crossing my fingers and hopeing for some good news. Well, as you can see i have a lot to do so ill see you all later.

Puck

Of all the things going wrong this is by far the hardest to endure. But like all things in life i will make it through. The bottle helps, hehe i have half of one helping me now. The greatist person i have ever been with has left me. She says its not forever and that she just needs time to fix herself. I can understand that, i have been there myself. I just hold onto the hope that there is going to be an us again. Febuary. Febuary is the the month that we get together and talk about being us again. I waited 2 years, YEARS people. Whats 4 or 5 months more. And when that month comes with hope ill be with her again. My warmth, my strangth, my everything. I remind myself of the advice i give out offten enough and now follow it myself. If you truely love some one, let them go, and if they come back they truely love you back. I just hope she loves me as much as i love her. I guess only time will tell. Mean while, ill build myself up to what i've been wanting me to be for some time now. With some hard work and a little luck, ill have a job, a place to live, a car, and stable. With hard work ill be where i NEED me to be. Well, here goes everything i've got, i have nothing left to lose so its all or nothing. You had better be ready life cause im comeing harder and faster than i EVER have befor......but first, this bottle is only half full, i gotta change that.

Puck

So yesterday Niks' parents called me....yes her parents wanted to talk to me. It turns out there doing a LOT of yard work so they can sell there house and they wanted someone to help them out cause they have medical problems that wont let them do it. So i said yes cause i want to get on there good side, after all i am dateing there daughter, plus they were paying me $10 an hour. Yesterday went by fast. It wasn't that hard just tearing up the front yard. My body was kinda in pain but not that bad. Oh and did i mention it rained all day yesterday. Well i got a lot done and then came back today. I started working at about 10 and stoped at about 3:30. The thing that sucked was i was still in pain from yesterday and today was moveing all the dirt, grass, mud, and clay to the house next door. Still raining i might add. And on top of that i was walking on the sidewalk and i sliped on mud and fell. I smacked my head on the sidewalk pritty hard. I think i blacked out for a sec cause next thing i knew i was laying on my back as my vision came back and the rain was pouring on me. By the time i managed to gain enough balance to stand i saw niks walking down the street with lunch. And thats how i know i couldnt have been out for too long cause she had called a few minutes befor i fell to ask what i wanted. My head and back was caked in mud. I wasnt a happy camper. And i still am haveing dizzy spells. Hehe, i get to rest today and then its back to the grinder tomarow morning. Lots more work to do. Her parents are cool so i dont mind working for them, its just im in a lot of pain today.

So in my depresed mood i go to the bar down the street from my friends house. Chad the bar tender was there again, so of course i got good deals on drinks. He let me have happy hour till almost 1 o'clock instead of 11. Needless to say im shit faced drunk. And i dont feel much better. Mostly because i played video poker and got up to $50 in the plus and didnt cash out. I kept playing and lost it all. Im a dumb ass. See, this is how life fucks you. Of course i had to drink BEFORE i played poker. Oh well im a dumb ass. Thats obvious. But who cares im too drunk to give a shit. Im going to drink a little more then pass out. Why because i dont give a shit. My hart and lungs are going to give out, lets add kidneys to the list as well!!!

WOOOHOOO BRING IT ON!!!!

What to do when life gets you down. I know that when life hands you lemons make lemon-aid, but what am i going to do when life hands me shit.....MAKE SHIT-AID!!! This liveing situation is bull shit. I have been dealing with the same fucking shit for 2 years. I'm tired of it. I have never been one to just give up, and i realy dont want to. I love portland. And i love my girlfriend. And giveing up means leaveing them both. But more and more every day i want to just take a couple hundred bucks and a bag o' stuff and start walking. I dont care where to or in what direction just walk. Walk away from it all. Give up. Fuck it! But I'm bound by a self placed, and self inforced code of honor that wont let me. I try to keep a smile on my face. To be happy to work for the things i want in life. It's just that every time i start to get something that i want it falls away from me. Whats next, my job, my friends, Nikki? An old friend of mine once told me that when life gets tough, I have to get tougher. But i dont know how much tougher i can get. I'm tired of not haveing a place to say, im tired of not knowing where im going to stay the next day, im tired of everyone wanting me to solve there problems when i cant even solve my own. Im tired of Jenny trying to get me to play match maker, Im tired of putting on a happy face for people when I want to just let loose AND KILL THEM!!! Im tired of people useing me as a pre-paid ciggeret machine. Im tired of Lex being two-faced with me, saying one thing and meaning another. Im tired of Ed doing to much fucking drugs. Im tired of everyone at work thinking im perfect and have all the awnsers. I HAVE ONLY HAD THE SAME FUCKING TRAINING AS YOU GUYS, FUCKING STOP ASKING ME AND LET ME WORK!!! Im tired of going out of my way to appear to be happy all the time when most of the time i just want to kill someone or myself. And Im tired of Niks ignoring me, the one person that said they would be there for me isn't. Most of the time she is, but there are times when i just want to be held. Not hold her just be held. There are times when i just want to see her or go out of my way to see her and i get half assed attention. And i say its ok, because its MY head thats being stupid. And it IS ok, it IS just my head. I just want to sleep, i want to sleep and wake up with all my dreams come true, or not wake up at all. Fuck you life! Im not going to give up, you have to earn this kill. But thats ok, tomarow is a new day, and another chance.
Fuck you life, just fuck you!

I am takeing this medication for some pysical problems. But im haveing a bad allergic reaction to it. So i had to stop. But now im so very very sick, and i dont want to do anything. I called in sick to work for the first time in....well....forever. Is it to much to ask to just want to sit at home, have someone take care of me and feed me soup, and cuddle and watch boreing day time Tv with me? I guess so.

Puck

So, things have been happening in a realy odd way. It seems that when something i do falls through something else falls into place to fill the gap. Its kinda hard to explain realy. Im dealing with it well as always but its just finaly starting to be filled with good things. For example i had this fortune cookie a few weeks ago that said soon i would run into an old friend...well about 4 days after that i ran into an old crush of mine jessica. Funny enough we have started hanging out and i might even start working with her again part time. (need more money) And next week im going to ask her to go out for some drinks with me. And seeing is how she doesnt have many friends since she moved back to portland....she will prolly go. Hehehe, and like a fool i decided since the cookie was right, i should get a lotto ticket useing the number on the back....well, im short a dollar now BUT i have a new old friend. So it all evens out in the end.

Ahhh, how things can change with a little vodka. Normaly I dont much care to hang around my roomies family much cause her mom and 4 kids bug the shit out of me. But today we went over to there new house, (i kinda got draged along) we sat down, had some drinks and all of a sudden, i didnt care. Granted the 4 kids didnt drink because they were all under age, and the only ones to get tipsy were me and Andrew (one of my roomies). But it was still fun. Although im not sure, but i think Natasha's (my other roomie) 15 year old sister was hitting on me. Kinda weird seeing is how shes ok looking but bugs the shit out of me almost always, and i thought that she didnt like me cause i wasnt always the nicest person to her and her mom, but oh well. Guess its the eyes. I have sexy eyes. Normaly i am vain about my eyes, cause lets be real, there fuckin sexy, but im not normaly this verbal about em.....its the vodka talkin. But anyway.

As for random life stuff, nothing realy worth bringing up. All the things i want i dont have, But im working on it. Soon life will be lots easyer. Hehe, im tired of working. I bust my ass to get the things i want in life and it never seems to pay off. The one thing i want more than anything else right now, someone else has. Ahhh, fuck it all anyway. Why the hell should i care. Why should i have to validate my existance through someone else? Besides I have walked a lonely road most my life. I mean granted i have had friends or girlfriends or what ever but i have never felt that close to them. So why the hell should i expect diffrent now? Oh well, as long as i left some sort of positive mark on those i have meet. Left something for them to remember me by. Besides one of the big things i want out of life, is to just have someone cry when i die.

Anyway, onto something less....blah. Im prolly not going to work as hard at work this week due to stress reasons and the fact that im starting fasting monday. Im going to meditate EVERY day to keep my focus. Im just going to fast for like 2 weeks this time, but in a month from now i might do it for 4 weeks. Dont know yet, im drunk. Anyway, im going to go do something stupid that will prolly get myself hurt. Laters.

Puck

Ok, After a long meditation session this week (5 hours). I have decided I had things to say but no where to say them or anyone to say them too. So ill put it here.

FUCK YOU LIFE!!!! You have thrown one thing after another at me, you have knocked me on my ass more times than i care to count. And guess what....I get back up EVERY time and im still here.

I was made to endure pain. I was born for it. I can take anything you have to throw at me and ill just keep comeing. Oh ya, and your friend death, tell him to go fuck himself too. Im not scared of him eather.

I have been to hell and back in this life and I am happy. I have seen so much shit in my 21 years and after all of it, im still happy. No matter what I will always get back up. I will always stand strong.

Life has never been better in fact. I have good friends, a good job, and a lot of posative things comeing my way. I can do what i want because im free of worry. I have problems yes, who doesn't. But I have decided that no matter what happens I can take it. So life, I would just like to say for the record, HAHAHAHA I WIN!!!!!! You can try and put me down all you like. You can try and put my friends and family down all you like, and ya know what, ill get back up and help all those I can to get up too. In all your attempts to "finish" me you have only made me stronger. Its true what they say, "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger." And life, I have never been as strong as I am now.

And for any of you random people that read this. Life can be as easy or as hard as you make it. It can be as depresing or happy as you let it be. Dont let life get the better of you. And sometimes when things get a little to stressfull and you think you cant go anymore, SCREAM at the top of your lungs "FUCK YOU LIFE!!! I WONT LET YOU KEEP ME DOWN!!!" Trust me it helps. Now im going to sleep, the best sleep I have had in years. Only one thing could make it perfect, but ya know what, I dont need perfection. Cause im happy anyway. So good night world.

ZZZZzzzzzZZZZzzzzz

Ya know, i have had this thing for far too long and never writen in it. In fact the only reason I started it at all was because i needed one to read a friends. And every time I come to this site to try and write something....anything I find myself without anything to say. Nothing realy note worthy. But after today, I had to write about it.

The day started kinda off. (dont let that fool you it was an awsome day) I was staying at a friends house because it would be easyer for our beach trip today. Well he was going to set his alarm clock for 7 and wake me up at 7. But he set it for 8. No problem realy it just slowed the morning down a bit. So we get ready and I give Ezra her 9am wake up call. We go get some food for the trip and pick up Randy at 10:15 and Ezra at 10:30. We started for the beach about 30min later. Now this took a little time seeing is how i thought my friends mike (the driver) and randy (passenger seat) could handle simple directions. However it took the 3 trys to get the right exit....the funny part is we all knew what exit it was befor we even left. How they missed it twice ill never know. The next 45 min went by fast. We stoped at a rest stop to have a nice lunch and Ezra and i walked through the woods on the near by trail. It was gorgous. The sun was beating down on me the entire time. It was so awsome. We re-joined the others a few minutes later and loaded up the car and headed for cannon beach. Now this 45min went by REALY fast. Next thing I knew we were there. We pulled right up to the beach. Ezra and I went off to go do our own thing...again, while mike and randy decided to fly a kite. We walked over to haystack rock and took some pictures and played in the sand. It was the fastest hour and a half of my life. I had a wounderful time. Ezra even helped randy start to get over his fear of the ocian. Something he got when he was younger and he was excited about it and how cool Ezra was for helping him. We left the beach and went to a candy store where we got some yummy fudge and candy and post cards and stuff. So we left to come back to portland at around 4:30pm and the sun was starting to set and the sky was still clear and turning diffrents shades of red. I relaxed the entire hour drive home. It was one of the fastest days i can remember. And that would have to be the only down side to it all. It all went by so fast. There were so many times when I wished the day would just last forever. For many reasons. I was at such peace there, hanging out with people close to me. It was over too soon.

So i find this to be a note worthy first entry. It was such an amazing day, I cant even describe it in words. Ya know, it WAS just one of those days, but in a good way. A very good way.